I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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