I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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