I'm really into asian looking animals
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
