Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
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Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
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Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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