My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
