His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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