You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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