There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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