He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
