Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
