the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
