we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
