I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
