dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
