If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
