Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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