I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
My vagina is very pro this idea
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
