I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
