We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
