i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
