My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
