is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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