The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
