the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
