its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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