Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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