Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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