dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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