I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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