if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
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The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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