Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
even my farts smell like vagina
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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