Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
