I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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