Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
