Christians are straight up FREAKS
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
