Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
