Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize