I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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