I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
