I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Randomize
