Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
even my farts smell like vagina
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
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