I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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