I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
