Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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