i just had sex bonerless
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
