Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
