Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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