It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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