Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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