well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
