Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
