Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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