I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
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there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
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I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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