New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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