This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Every concussion has its silver lining
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
