Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
