mondays should just be called national damage control day
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
