I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
