Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
