why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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