Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
