You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
