I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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