I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
