yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
