Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
It's shark week go big or go home
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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