The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
